That's how I felt.
The one person I loved, the only person I had really trusted....
She was gone.
I sat there, on the newly overturned earth, and turned my head to look up at the stars.
She would be up there tonight.
Tears flowed from my eyes, dripping from my chin, falling to the ground.
Why did you have to go?
I knew I wasn't the only one who felt this way.
She touched the heart of everyone she knew. Not one person who met her had anything negative to say.
She was an angel.
She was a goddess.
She was hope.
At the funeral today, not one attendee's eyes were dry.
We all loved her, cherished her, adored her. The impact she had made in everyone's lives was great. Even if you spoke with her no longer than a moment, you felt her warmth and kindness rubbing off on you.
Her stay in this cruel, judgmental world was far too short.
16 years wasn't enough time.
She deserved many, many more than what she ended up with.
She changed me.
She showed me kindness and compassion and beauty.
She showed me what it felt like to be treated like a human being.
She showed me what it felt like to love.
She showed me what it felt to be loved.
When I was around her, I didn't feel out shined by my brother. I didn't feel unwanted.
She made me feel like the most valued and important person in the world.
And now there's a hole in my heart.
No matter what I do, I know that I won't be able to make it go away.
The only thing that could fixed this feeling of emptiness, this feeling of suffocation...
When I first head the news, I couldn't believe it.
Of all the people to go, she was the last one anyone would suspect.
We had been together mere hours before it had happened.
I had almost gotten up the strength to say it.
But I chickened out at the last minute, like the horrible coward I am.
I missed out on my chance.
My last chance to tell her the one thing that I had known since I first talked to her.
Since the first playdate, all those years ago.
"I love you."
I whispered it to the stars.
As I felt the tears fall down my cheeks, I closed my eyes.
I heard an angelic voice, filled with sadness, right in my ear.
I felt arms lightly wrapped around my shoulders.
"I love you too Lovi, more than you know."
I could have sworn it was your voice.